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THE DIRT

...and other ugly details about how I got here

This picture was taken is the summer before I lost everything. I was years deep into a ravaging eating disorder, almost-crippling addiction, and blacking out almost every time I drank. The girl you see is smiling, but a few days later I self-harmed in an alcohol-induced mania that left me with bandages 3 inches up my left wrist and life-long scars. Looking at this image you might never guess that I was slowly killing myself one binge, one dose, one drink at a time. The truth is that I wanted to die but I couldn't kill myself and I didn't know how to stop doing what I was doing. I truly couldn't see my life any other way than the way it was then, with me drowning in an addiction that felt so  strong, so powerful, that I would die in my pursuit of the next high. A few short months after this photo was taken, I left my home and all I knew and started on a life-altering journey that changed everything.

Dad the photographer